The Justice Society created by Gardner Fox

j j ALL-STAR COMICS j j

featuring the legendary

JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #4:

"Crisis on Earth Blasphemy!"

Written by Jeff Melton

On the streets of Gotham City, the people walk by in relative comfort, knowing that they are under the protection of the greatest group of super-heroes who have ever lived...the legendary Justice Society of America! However, there are places where the people do not have that good fortune, where they must live in fear, places where the rules of logic are not followed. It is for this reason that a meeting is now being held within the walls of the legendary brownstone headquarters of the Justice Society!

Seated in a circle around the large oak table are the heroes who have fought crime longer than any others. At the podium at the center of the table is Hawkman. Around the table (counter-clockwise) are Hawkgirl, Superman, Batman, Hourman, Wonder Woman, Starman, Robin, Catwoman, Green Lantern, Harlequin, the Atom, the Sandman, Johnny Thunder, Dr. Mid-Nite, Wildcat, Black Canary, Power Girl, the Huntress, Dr. Fate, and the Flash.

Hawkman taps the gavel against the podium once and quickly gets the attention of the assemblage of heroes.

“As you know,” Hawkman explains, his eyes flowing across the room, taking in the individual members, “we are here to save another Earth. This one was spotted by Bruce while he was trapped in the Limbo Dimension.* There is a lot there that we must do, but our first priority lies in helping the people who reside there.”

[*As shown in #2.]

“Yeah well,” Wildcat points out, a sly smile on his face, as he pounds his right fist into his left palm. “The way I understand it, there are a few upstarts there that need a little trashin’ too!”

“Yes,” Catwoman replies with a purr. “I can think of one who needs to be dealt with...judging by what Bruce told me!”

“There will, of course, be a great deal of temptation to set these ‘heroes’ straight,” Hawkman admits, “and we may have to do that. But remember,” he says, as his eyes turn down to Wildcat, who looks up at him, throwing up his arms defensively, “we’re not going there to start a fight.”

“What’re you lookin’ at me for?” Wildcat asks, with a mock defensive tone. “Ya act like I’d do such a thing!” The Atom, Dr. Mid-Nite, and Johnny Thunder snicker. Johnny makes a comment under his breath, and Wildcat turns over to him, but he couldn’t make out what was said, and so lets it go.

“I think we need to keep things in perspective,” the Flash says, standing before the others. His position in the JSA has always kept the respect of his fellow heroes. “We have a right to be outraged that the ‘heroes’ of that Earth are using their powers in such selfish ways—and, indeed, that they’re using our names in cases—but I think there is more to it than would appear.”

“Yes,” Dr. Fate agrees, nodding his head. “It is almost as if there was a madman’s hand behind this mad world.”

“All right, Fate,” Hawkman says, looking over at Dr. Fate, who is resting his chin on a bridge he has created with interlocking index fingers. “Are you ready to send us to this strange Earth?”

“Certainly, my friends,” Dr. Fate replies calmly, coolly. “It will be a pleasure.”

“Is he actually softening up?” Power Girl asks, smiling. “He almost sounded human that time!”

Meanwhile, on the Earth of their destination, the new Justice League is having a meeting. Conflict is in the air, as these “heroes” argue amongst themselves.

“I’m in charge here!” Guy Gardner says in an authoritative tone. “I’m the ONLY Green Lantern!”

“But, sir,” ‘Captain Marvel’ replies weakly, as if he was a child speaking to an adult in authority. “I thought there were others...”

“Shut up, Captain white bread!” Guy Gardner demands, shooting an icy stare back at ‘Captain Marvel’, who shrinks in his chair. “Nobody asked your opinion!”

‘Batman’ walks in to take control of the situation. On his face is plastered the grimace that has set his features. “Shut up...all of you!” he demands. “I’m the leader of this group...and don’t any of you forget it!”

“I gave up my chance to be a stand-up comic for this?” ‘Blue Beetle asks himself, shaking his head.

“I’ll let him think he’s in charge,” Guy Gardner thinks, a sinister smile on his face. “Then, when he’s not looking, I’ll...!”

“Batman sure is in a good mood today,” ‘Black Canary’ thinks to herself, as her mind wanders.

“I should return to Japan,” ‘Dr. Light thinks to herself.

“So, what’re we doin’ today, Bats?” Guy Gardner opens his mouth like he has on numerous occasions, a challenging tone in his voice.

“Shut up!” ‘Batman’ responds sharply, not even looking in Guy Gardner’s direction. “No one talks unless I tell them to! What’s on the monitor board, Mr. Miracle?”

“Not a lot to report,” ‘Mr. Miracle’ replies, glancing up at the monitor board. “It looks like a dead day. It looks like we...WAIT!”

“Yeah, what is it?” ‘Batman asks. He has turned around and does not see the screen, where twenty heroes are materializing in front of an astonished throng of people, who run off in fear. ‘Mr. Miracle’ is pointing up at the screen enthusiastically, trying to get ‘Batman’s’ attention.

“It looks like a group of costumed super-beings like ourselves, Batman,” Mr. Miracle comments, as Batman turns around to notice what is on the screen.

“Hmm,” ‘Batman’ replies, his facial expressions not changing. “So it does.”

Guy Gardner jumps up from his seat with an enthusiasm that is driven by a mixture of insanity and idiocy. “Good!” he exclaims like a young boy in a candy store. “We’ll get to bust some head!”

“Yes,” ‘Batman’ replies, also intoxicated by the concept. “But, we’ll do it my way. The president appointed us to make sure that his law regarding super-heroes is obeyed.”*

[*On this mad Earth, the government has ordered that all super-heroes have to register with the government, and the “JL” has been appointed to oversee this project.]

“All talk and no action!” Guy Gardner says, challengingly, to Batman. He is fidgeting and anxious to do something. “I want to show those clowns who’s boss around here! C’mon, Bats! We have work to do!”

“Yes,” ‘Dr. Fate’ says, nodding its head. “I’m dying to test these powers. After all, I’ve only had this helmet for three days.”

“I suppose I’ll come along to give the rest of you something good to look at,” Booster Gold says, while combing his hear and looking into a small compact-style mirror.

“They landed in Gotham City,” ‘Batman’ speaks up again, ending the conversations at the table. “That’s my turf.”

As the JL prepare to leave, Booster Gold stops in front of a mirror on the way out, and gets out his hairbrush to stroke a wayward hair.

“Hurry up, Booster!” ‘Batman’ urges impatiently. “We haven’t got all day! The president won’t like it if we don’t act quickly.”

“I’ll be right there, Batman,” Booster Gold replies. “I just can’t stand it when my mouse doesn’t do its job.”

‘Martian Manhunter’, ‘Batman’, ‘Mr. Miracle’, ‘Shazam’, ‘Green Lantern’, ‘Dr. Fate’, ‘Blue Beetle’, ‘Dr. Light’, ‘Black Canary’, Booster Gold, and the ‘Flash’ all leave JL headquarters to embark on their mission for the government.

Meanwhile, as the JSA walk around the Gotham City streets, the people react to their presence in a way they did not expect. They turn to the heroes, pointing, and start to flee in fear.

“Look!” a man says, pointing to the heroes, as his eyes grow wider with fear. “It’s some of those heroes! They’ll kill us...get back!”

“Yeah,” a woman agrees. “The president said that they’re dangerous! Look out!”

“Where’re the cops when you need them?” another man asks, his body shaking involuntarily.

Hawkman shakes his head, as do the other JSAers, who look on with surprise at the reactions of the gathered crowd. As they step forward, the people flee into the distance, as others look on from a safer distance.

“What kind of insane world have we landed on, Batman?” Hawkman asks.

“I don’t know,” Batman replies. “But you can’t deny that it needs help.”

“Help?” Hourman asks sarcastically. “We’re only the JSA! This world needs a complete overhaul! I doubt that even the Spectre could save this planet!”

“You’re not kiddin’, Rex!” Wildcat replies. “I thought Brooklyn was bad. It looked better during the Depression.”

Batman walks a small distance, looking around at the surroundings. He then turns around to face his comrades. “Believe it or not, Carter,” Batman says with a grim expression. “This is Gotham City. I don’t know what kind of mad world we’ve stepped onto, but this is Gotham City...or what passes for it around here.”

“It’s so dark,” Hourman replies, looking around. “So gloomy.”

“What do you want us to do?” Dr. Mid-Nite asks. “Where can we start? Should we talk to someone with the government? Apparently, the government is spreading propaganda that prevents heroes from donning costumes.”

“Well,” Hawkman replies, “I’ll tell you...”

“I’ll tell you what you can do...” Hawkman and the others turn around from the sound of the sharp voice behind them.

The JSA stand ready for anything as they turn around. Facing them is the ‘Justice League’. Guy Gardner stands in the forefront, pointing a threatening finger at the JSA, who are visibly not impressed, but who are surprised by the entrance of these strange-acting ‘heroes’. It soon becomes obvious why the people react so strongly to the presence of super-powered beings on their planet.

Guy Gardner is the first to open his mouth, as always. “Disperse, or we’ll have to trounce alla ya!” he demands.

“WHAT?!” Flash asks, astonished by the threat, knowing that they (the JSA) have greater firepower.

“Who is this clown, anyway?” Wildcat asks, blatantly ridiculing Guy Gardner, who grows more and more enraged by the moment.

“Who knows?” Huntress asks, not even looking Gardner’s way. “But he certainly needs a lesson in humility.”

Guy Gardner reacts angrily at the humiliating way that the two heroes are talking about him. He fires an emerald blast from his power ring. Wildcat and Huntress both leap out of the way, and the blast sears the concrete where they were a split-second earlier.

“How dare you talk to me that way!” Guy Garner fumes. “I’m Green Lantern!”

“You’re also as slow as molasses running uphill in the winter!” Wildcat taunts, standing in a position facing Gardner.

“You’re Green Lantern?” Green Lantern (Alan Scott) asks, half-laughing, though he is annoyed by the suggestion. “That’s a joke! Who are you to call yourself Green Lantern?”

“Yeah,” the Atom adds, pointing a finger across his shoulder towards Green Lantern, who is standing behind him. “He’s Green Lantern!”

“What?” Guy Gardner says, confused. “Have those wimp Oans sent out another one to stop me! Well, it won’t work!”

Enraged, Gardner sends out another emerald blast, but Green Lantern easily erects an emerald shield to deflect the blast harmlessly.

“Oa ?” Green Lantern thinks to himself, while trying to make sense of Guy Gardner’s words (no easy task). “Could this world be some strange perversion of Earth 1?”

“Take this, wimp!” Guy Gardner says, while continuing to fire emerald blasts at Green Lantern, who easily blocks them all.

“You’ll have to get them to me first, you idiot!” Green Lantern responds, shaking his head.

Green Lantern takes to the sky, drawing Guy Gardner’s attack away from the crowds. “So, this is what passes for heroes on this world,” he muses aloud. “Earth 3 is better off than this! They’re villains there, but at least the citizens don’t have to worry about being killed through rank incompetence!”

‘Huh?” Gardner asks emphatically. “What’re you talking about? There’s only one Earth! It’s madness to think anything else!”

“Do you feel the need to constantly put your ignorance on display?” Green Lantern asks, sending out a fly swatter with his emerald energy that knocks Guy Gardner out of the sky. They are only about ten feet above the ground, and Guy Gardner falls hard, unprepared to defend himself.

Green Lantern swoops down towards Guy Gardner, who is on the ground, trying hard to recuperate from Green Lantern’s attack.

“Do you know nothing of heroism?” Green Lantern lectures, standing over Guy Gardner, who is trying to get to his feet. “Why do you even wear a costume?”

“Uh...you can’t talk to me that way!” Gardner responds weakly. He gets up slowly, as Alan Scott stands before him, shaking his head.

“Gimme a minute to get up my will power and you’re a goner!” Gardner warns.

“In a battle, my incompetent friend,” Green Lantern replies, sending out a right cross that knocks Guy Gardner into unconsciousness, blood streaming from his nose, “you don’t have a minute.”

Meanwhile, the leader of the group calling itself the ‘Justice League’, the ‘Batman’ of this strange Earth, rushes over to the JSA, shouting his typical dialogue. “Crush bones!” he utters, leaving Hawkman and Batman to look at each other, confused. “Can’t do that.”

“Who’s this buffoon?” Hawkman asks. “I think someone’s satirizing you, Bruce.”

Before ‘Batman’ can reach the rest of the JSA, he is met by a very grim and determined Batman, who is a very imposing figure compared to his counterpart. “Move!” ‘Batman’ demands. “Crush bones!”

“You have no right to wear that costume,” Batman says, annoyed. “You sicken me.”

‘Batman’ takes a swing at his opponent, who easily blocks it with his forearm, surprising the less experienced ‘Batman’. “Pain!” ‘Batman’ says through gritted teeth. “Hurt you!”

“Is that a threat?” Batman asks, slamming his fist into his opponent’s face, landing him on the waiting ground in an unceremonious manner. “This is my counterpart?” he asks himself, shaking his head. “How insulting. He can’t even complete a sentence.”

Meanwhile, Booster Gold and Shazam rush up to the JSA. Hourman and Wonder Woman stand side-by-side in anticipation.

“You boys had better give up!” Booster Gold warns. “I’m Booster Gold! I’ve never lost a fight!”

“I think you need to get your eyes checked,” Hourman says, looking at Wonder Woman. “And what kind of name is ‘Booster Gold’ anyway?”

“You tell ‘em, sir!” Shazam remarks, backing up his comrade in arms. “I’m a hero! I’ve got muscles! You can’t beat us...we were trained by Batman.”

“I pity him...and you,” Wonder Woman replies.

As Booster Gold lunges at Wonder Woman, she sends out a backhand to the over-confident ‘hero’s’ face that sends him flying twenty feet away...and into a wall! “What kind of ‘hero’ are you supposed to be?” she asks.

“The women love me, that’s all that matters, ugh!” he says, rubbing his chin. “My face!” he remarks, getting out his compact mirror once again, noticing a red spot. “That’s going to be a bruise. I can’t believe you did that to my face.”

“A pretty boy hero?” Wonder Woman asks, annoyed. “What is this world coming to?”

Wonder Woman puts the arrogant ‘hero’ out of his misery with a swift kick to the face that sends him to the ground in an unconscious lump. “It’s pretty hard to lose a fight when you’ve never been in one, isn’t it, Booster?” she asks, looking down at the ‘hero’, who is laid out at her feet. “It would be beneficial to be a villain here. I suppose that, on this Earth, crime does pay.”

Hourman, meanwhile, is under siege by Shazam. “I’m glad Booster picked that lady to fight,” Shazam says. “I wouldn’t want to hit a lady.”

“I’ll make this as painless as possible,” Hourman says, connecting with an upper cut that sends Shazam off-balance. “I think he means well, but he’s as stupid as the rest. I guess he was absent when the wisdom of Solomon was handed out to the other Captains Marvel. And, he’s certainly not as powerful as Captain Marvel.”

Shazam gets up slowly, a look of pure rage burning in his eyes. “You shouldn’t’a done that!” he warns. “I’m Shazam!”

“I suppose that’s why you’re wearing that costume, eh?” Hourman steps back, as a lightning bolt strikes the unsuspecting ‘hero’, who is transformed back to a teenage version of ‘Billy Batson’.

“Uh-oh,” ‘Billy’ remarks.

Hourman applies a nerve pinch to ‘Billy’s’ neck, and he falls to the ground, unconscious. “I’ll never look at Captain Marvel the same again,” Hourman comments, smiling.

‘Black Canary’ and ‘Martian Manhunter’ are running straight towards Huntress and Power Girl, who are patiently waiting for them.

“We need to do something, J’onn!” ‘Black Canary’ says, looking over at her Martian friend.

“Yeah, I noticed,” ‘J’onn’ replies.

‘Black Canary’ quickly lunges at the Huntress, who quickly gets out of the way by rolling to her right, sending ‘Black Canary’ into a waiting wall! ‘Black Canary’ quickly recovers, and engages the Huntress in combat. She delivers a blow that sends Huntress to her knees. The Huntress, however, was trained by Batman. She quickly recovers, even as ‘Black Canary’ comes over to capitalize on her advantage. She sends out a quick open-handed chop to ‘Black Canary’s’ solar plexus, stunning her foe.

“Dad’s here today,” she silently muses. “I remember how good Black Canary was on Earth 1 when we met. I can’t take her lightly.” ‘Black Canary’s’ head is lowered, and she is holding her chest, trying to catch her breath. Huntress then finishes her opponent with a kick, as she rolls over on her side, and sends her foot up to ‘Black Canary’s’ lowered chin.

Meanwhile, ‘J’onn’ has knocked Power Girl through the wall of an apartment complex that occupies the same space as JSA headquarters on this strange Earth. Power Girl speeds back to the fray faster than ‘J’onn’ can follow, hitting him with an even mightier blow that sends him 100 feet into the air.

‘J’onn’ flies back towards Power Girl with vengeance in his eyes. Power Girl moves aside as he starts to starts to hit her, sidestepping his intended blow. As she moves aside, she sends out a two-fisted blow to the back of his head that knocks him down into the ground, creating a trench in the process!

‘Blue Beetle’, ‘Dr. Fate’, ‘Mr. Miracle’, ‘Dr. Light’, and ‘the Flash’ all find themselves surrounded by the legendary JSA.

“I would advise you to surrender,” Hawkman offers. “This fighting is really unnecessary.”

“No!” the ‘Flash’ replies, racing towards Hawkman. “This must be their leader. I take him out and the whole group falls apart, then I can go back to checking my stock portfolio!”

The ‘Flash’ races around, grabbing Hawkman around the neck and holding him in a headlock, as he circles around, threatening the other JSAers. “Surrender,” he warns, “or I’ll break his neck.”

Suddenly, a red and blue streak speeds across the distance between Hawkman and the rest of the JSA, hitting ‘Wally’ several times before he knows what is happening. Within the space of less than a second, ‘Wally’ lies unconscious on the ground, with the Flash finally materializing into view above him. Hawkman gets to his feet, and looks down at the fallen ‘hero’ with disdain.

“To try to kill a fellow hero out of arrogance,” Hawkman comments, shaking his head. “I truly pity this misbegotten world.”

The new ‘Dr. Fate’ notices that he has a counterpart, and so directs a blast at him. “How dare you use my costume!” ‘Dr. Fate’ exclaims.

The real Dr. Fate easily erects a shield that deflects the blast, and deflects the blast back to its point of origin, knocking out ‘Dr. Fate’.

“Charlatan!” Dr. Fate replies calmly, shaking his head.

‘Blue Beetle’ bounces towards the JSA, until a quick outstretched fist by the Atom ends his flight, and lands him onto the ground, knocked unconscious.

‘Mr. Miracle’ rushes towards Harlequin, and passes through her, to his surprise. He then passes through three additional versions of Harlequin, completely confused. Wildcat leaps towards ‘Mr. Miracle’, kicking him in the back of the head. As ‘Mr. Miracle’ tries to get to his feet, Wildcat spins around, kicking him in the face, putting him out.

“Why’d you have to do that, Wildcat?” Harlequin asks. “I haven’t had that much fun in years.”

‘Dr. Light’ looks around, noticing that she is alone. She attempts to flee in fear from the JSA, which her group has mistakenly decided to fight. “I need to get out of here!” she thinks, her eyes widening with fear. “The army might be able to stop them, but we can’t!”

However, she soon finds herself encased in a green sphere. “What’s going on?” she asks, looking around, terrified.

“You need to give up,” Green Lantern says softly. “You won’t be able to escape my energy prison. I have no desire to harm you, unlike the way your friends feel about us.”

“I have no friends,” she exclaims, pushing up against the sphere, and looking around nervously. “We are merely co-workers. As for your trap...you can’t hold me!” ‘Dr. Light’ exclaims, as she fires repeated blasts, ineffectually, against the inside of the sphere. The blasts merely return to her, and knock her out.

Spectre suddenly appears in a mist of smoke, surprising everyone present. He teleports in front of Hawkman and Dr. Fate.

“This madness must cease,” he warns in his ominous tone.

“The Spectre!” Hawkman exclaims. “This must have reached his attention.”

“This is not actually a world at all,” the Spectre explains, as the others look on. “But, it’s very presence threatens the entire existence of the multiverse. It is an anomaly that is emanating from Earth Prime. I will need for three people to come with me to Earth Prime to put an end to this insanity.”

“I have a little business to see to on Earth Prime anyway,” Batman offers, stepping forward.

“You’re not the only one, Batman,” Wildcat agrees.

“I’ll come along too,” Starman offers.

“Very well, then,” Spectre replies. He takes one last look at Dr. Fate before he and the others leave this world. “Do not remain here for more than an hour. It will be non-existent at that time.”

“Very well, Spectre,” Dr. Fate replies calmly. “I understand.”

As Dr. Fate turns to warn his fellow JSAers, he is greeted by the sight of a man in a familiar costume of red and blue, with an unfamiliar hairstyle, and a woman with short hair dressed in a dominatrix-style garments, who is on all fours on the ground, purring like a madwoman. ‘Superman’s’ cape is not connected completely in the back, his hair is shoulder length, and his cape has tares along its ends.

“I am Superman,” ‘Superman’ warns. “I’ve been sent by the government to stop you. There is a ban on super-heroes, and you’re forbidden to...”

“Prr..,.” ‘Catwoman’ insists, “let’s just kill them...prr.”

‘Superman’ notices that he has a counterpart as well. “Hey!” ‘Superman comments. “You have a costume like mine. But how can that be? There’s only one Superman!”

“You don’t really want to fight us, do you?” Superman replies, looking at his watered-down counterpart.

“I don’t want to fight you, really,” ‘Superman’ replies. “But I’m an American, and the president is my superior. I have to do it.”

“You don’t believe in talking about anything, do you?” Superman comments, shaking his head. “Okay, do what you must.”

‘Superman’ attacks his superior counterpart by spearing him in the side. Superman merely stands, unaffected by his weak counterpart’s blows. “What a hapless fool!” Superman thinks to himself.

“You disgust me!” Catwoman exclaims. “How dare you send a 10 year old out into the streets? Where’s your sense of decency! And how dare you assume my name!”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” ‘Catwoman’ responds, moving forward. “Prr.”

Catwoman ignores her warnings, as she delivers a swift kick to her foe’s abdomen, doubling her over. “I don’t know who’s worse on this world,” Catwoman comments, connecting with an upper-cut that jerks ‘Catwoman’ back sharply, “you or this world’s ‘Batman’!” She then finishes the one-sided bout with a swift blow to her opponent’s jaw that knocks her out. “And I don’t suppose I care to find out!”

‘Superman’, meanwhile, has bleeding hands from his attempts to cause harm to Superman. “Uhn...got to stop you,” he whines.

“No,” Superman replies, delivering a roundhouse blow to ‘Superman’s’ face, jerking his head violently to one side, and knocking him out, as he falls to the floor, ripping his cape on a rock on the ground. “I need to stop you, before you kill yourself.”

Dr. Fate walks over to the collected JSA, who have all converged, depositing their vanquished foes on the ground in a pile of human refuge. “Spectre said that we must leave within an hour,” Dr. Fate comments. “Apparently, his efforts will dissolve this world, and we cannot be on this orb when that occurs. Gather yourselves and I will teleport us back to our Earth.”

At that time, Spectre, Wildcat, Batman, and Starman have arrived on Earth Prime, outside the offices of DC Comics, on 666 5^th Avenue.

“I have brought you here to this strange place,” Spectre says, as the others gather around him. “I must stay here, to keep the balance between the Earths. I need to request that you go inside and deal with the problem.”

“No problem, Spectre,” Batman says.

“I wouldn’t miss a chance like this for the world!” Wildcat tosses in, smiling.

“I had to satisfy my curiosity about this,” Starman adds.

The three heroes walk into the offices, past a stunned secretary. “Wait!” she calls out, frantic. “You can’t go into Mr. Dick’s office! He’s busy!”

“We’ll go where we please, chickie!” Wildcat responds, not even looking her way. He kicks the door leading to Giordano’s office down without effort. Within the office, Marv stands over the director’s desk, pointing to a map. On the other side of the desk are Denny and Frank .

“So, Dick,” Marv says, looking down at the map. “We’ll kill him and him, and her, and her. Then, we’ll change history here, and here, and...”

“Yes, yes, death,” Dick comments, rubbing his hands together. “What? What’s the meaning of this?”

Dick rises from his chair as the three heroes walk over to meet him. “I demand a reason for this outrage!” he demands. “Who are you?”

“Listen to this clown!” Wildcat comments, looking back at the others. “He doesn’t even know who we are!”

“Yes,” Starman replies, nodding. “A sad case.”

“There’s only one thing to do,” Batman replies. Denny and Frank back up when they see the wrath in Batman’s dark eyes.

“You don’t exist!” Denny says with a fearful voice. “Marv...tell him he doesn’t exist!”

“I know he doesn’t exist,” Frank agrees. “I created a new one—a better one!”

“That’s right, he...!” Marv comments. His train of thought, however, is interrupted by Wildcat, who grabs him by the collar, lifting him off the floor as he squirms, his arms and legs floundering about. Terror burns like a raging inferno in Marv’s eyes.

“I heard you started a nasty rumor about me, Marv!” Wildcat says, glaring at Marv threateningly. “I don’t appreciate it!”

“Put me down!” Marv whines. “I’m the best writer in comics! That’s what the Buyer’s Guide said, so it has to be true!”

Wildcat drops Marv, who falls to his knees, as he and Frank argue with each other. “What?” Frank argues. “I’m the best writer in comics! I never get any negative letters!”

“Ha!” Marv responds, as the two glare at each other. “You can’t even write in complete sentences! You don’t know anything about the English language! We don’t let you see your critical letters because it might hurt your feelings!”

“What?” Frank retaliates. “You’re the one with the negative letters! I saw them in all those garbage bags beside Dick’s trashcan, near the anti-Crisis petitions!”

“How dare you talk about Crisis that way!” Marv whines. “It was a masterpiece! Everyone loved it!”

Soon, the two “writers” are on the ground, fighting over who can write a simple sentence. It is a pitiful spectacle. Wildcat looks on with amusement.

“No, I am!” Frank replies indignantly. “My Dark Knight sold millions!”

Meanwhile, Dick and Denny look on, as they are confronted by Batman and Starman. “Get out of here now!” Denny warns. “Or, I’ll call the cops!”

“I don’t like you, Denny,” Batman comments sharply. “I don’t like what you did to my legend.”

“Personally,” Starman comments. “I pity the people on Earth Prime. Look at the garbage they have to read here. On Earth 2, we have good literature.”

“Our comics sell!” Dick complains. “That’s all that matters!”

“I see your priorities are as out of place as everything else around here,” Starman remarks.

“One thing I need to do before I leave,” Batman comments, slamming Denny against a wall. Batman and his compatriots then turn around to leave the room, as Dick and Denny cower in fear. Under the table, Marv and Frank are still trading blows, conducting a battle to determine which is the more incompetent—a battle that could certainly rage for some time.

“Not much more we can do here,” Batman says, as they walk back through the reception area, heading for the stairs. “Let’s go.”

“I wanted to hit that idiot Marv!” Wildcat comments, as they walk down the stairs. “ ‘Over the hill’ indeed!”

“We did enough,” Starman replies.

As the three leave the door heading to the street, they are greeted by four people in white robes.

“That way, fellas,” Wildcat says, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. “Upstairs, third office on the right. Plenty of customers there.”

“I see Spectre kept his end of the bargain,” Starman remarks, noticing that the ethereal JSAers is waiting for them. “We did all we could. What about those poor citizens of Earth Prime who must put up with all of this nonsense?”

“I have done something about that,” the Spectre replies, as he encircles a mist around the heroes. As they start to fade away, Wildcat looks at the building one final time, and sees the words “Arkham Asylum. No admittance”.

The End.

NEXT ISSUE: We get serious again. The return of more Golden Age characters, as we return to more fictional tales of the greatest heroes of all time.

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˜˜˜˜˜ALL-STAR COMMENTS ˜˜˜˜˜

This issue, needless to say, is fully intended to be a pure satire. It does, however, require some additional explanation, I believe. First, I should mention by way of historical context, that it was written in March, 1987, at a time when Giffen’s ‘Justice League’ was out, and not too long after such things as ‘Year One’.

The ‘Justice League’ was, in my opinion, an insult to the group created by Gardner Fox. They bickered all of the time and came across as being very inexperienced and incompetent. That is reflected here, as well as some of the silly characteristics of the characters, as defined by Giffen. I do not by any means consider those versions of the characters to be definitive, and at some point you will see the way I would handle the Earth 1 characters, and perhaps others as well (including the Charlton characters). That, as always, depends on the readership and what they would like to see.

You’ll notice that ‘Batman’s’ dialogue altered from the beginning—which bore in mind Giffen’s crusty interpretation of the character, where he came across as a real jerk and not much else—to the time when he was actually interacting with the JSA—the latter of which was written more in line as a satire of Frank Miller’s dim-witted take on the character.

As for ‘Shazam’, he is modeled after Roy Thomas’ terrible mini-series, where he had ‘Billy’ more in control of the character, and he acted like an adolescent, not like the wise, noble hero we’ve all come to respect...and expect to see in that costume.

I hope everyone will take this issue in the spirit in which it was written. Needless to say, I don’t support Crisis or the changes that were brought about as a result of it, and some of that is addressed by way of satire here. As always, your comments are welcome at jx2melton@hotmail.com.

Dear Editor:

Your JSA was pleasing. Request time: Have the JSAers meet all of the heroes of Earth S again. Bring back Bulletman and Bulletgirl! How about showing us what Earth X is really like, and giving us an update on the Freedom Fighters (don’t forget the male Firebrand, Manhunter, his dog Thor, etc)? And, most importantly, give us All-Star Squadron today! How about showing us your version of the Earth 2 Legion? How about printing this paragraph in your letters page and devoting a whole page to answer these questions?

Rick Powell

I’ll do what I can to answer your questions. First of all, I’m pleased that you like my take on these great characters. As for Earth S, I do have plans to use that Earth and those characters, but it will be a while. I like Bulletman and Bulletgirl myself, as well as Spy Smasher, Mr. Scarlet, etc. There are some fine characters on Earth S.

I’d like to address Earth X at some point myself. It has a lot of potential. I’ll have to get to that as well. The Freedom Fighters (and don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten any of them) are good characters, and there is a lot that can be done with that Earth.

The All-Star Squadron? I have some ideas about that, the line-up, etc. I think they could certainly still be a viable group today, and I have an idea as to what their line-up should be.

The Earth 2 Legion? Well, they would obviously be a lot different than the Earth 1 versions, given that their counterparts would be different. There would be some similarities too, of course. And, we would need to establish a different method of inspiration for the group as well (given that Superman was never Superboy on Earth 2). It’s an interesting idea. I still have a lot to do in the present first, though. It’s been a while since a version of Earth 2 has been seen by the fans. I intend to change that.

Don’t worry about your letter getting printed. I don’t mind having letters from old fans in my letters page. Keep reading, and let me know what you think.

Jeff Melton