Avengers #421

Party Time
by Scott Harris

The story starts with a closeup of a seemingly enraged Nick Fury bellowing "This time, Beast, you're going down -- hard!!"

Ease your mind, though, because when we pull back we see that Nick is standing in the Avengers living room, where a poker table is set up. Beast and Ms. Marvel are already smoking large cigars and playing 21, but they stop their game to welcome Fury, who grabs a brew from a nearby table and plops down in a chair. Fury and Carol discuss old times for a bit, then Fury razzes Beast for getting suckered by Cannonball. The banter goes on for a few moments when suddenly a ruckus is heard in the hall and they break off to investigate it.

The commotion, they discover, is being caused by the Thing, who has some strenuous objections about the security system, which doesn't seem to recognize him as an Avenger. Just as the group gets out into the hall, the Thing tears all the robotic arms (along with a portion of the wall) apart. Captain America, also investigating the wreckage, explains that they were still fixing all the files after the Black Widow had dissolved the team, and he admonishes Grimm for wrecking their hallway. The Thing apologizes, stows his trench coat, and heads for the living room.

"Cap, going to join us for a little gambling and bullswapping?" Fury asks.

"Well, Nick, I'm not sure it's ethical for me to gamble, since I draw my funds from theMaria Stark trust; that money is from a charity organization..." (Fury rolls his eys as Cap strokes his chin) "but, I guess if I agreed to donate my winnings to a worthy cause, it might be morally acceptable for me to open a can of red-white-and-blue whup-ass on you." He leaves the stunned group in the hall.

Beast: "Did Cap just say whup-ass?"

[EDITORS NOTE: We're aware Cap probably wouldn't say whup-ass, but on the other hand, we found it kinda funny -- Ass-Whupped Scott]

While they'r ein the hall, the doorbell rings and Jarvis enters from the next room to answer it before another set of security devices is wrecked. At the door is Dr. Strange, in a dapper suit. Greeting his fellow gamblers, Strange follows them into the living room (after producing a six-pack from a pocket dimension of eternal winter and leaving it with Jarvis) where they quickly begin the business of some serious poker playing.

Meanwhile, outside the mansion, a shadowy figure crouches in the shadows. "The fools, playing their little games -- they've set themselves up perfectly. They'll never even know what hit them, and I..." (he steps into the light) "I, Crossfire, will go down in history as the man who destroyed the Avengers!"

Of course, our heroes have no idea of the sinister plot unfurling at their very doorstep, for they are too busy playing poker and telling stories. The Thing has just finished telling an unlikely tale about his encounter with the a pair of Rigellians he ran into in Monte Carlo. Nick Fury admits it's a good story, but claims he has a much better tale...

We head into a mini-flashback. Nick is handcuffed and is about to be executed by Baron Von Strucker, who aasks him if he has any last requests. Nick shouts that he wants to play one last game of poker, for high stakes, as it's his favorite activity in life. Of course, he's been supplied with top secret Allied documents showing the Von Strucker is, in fact, a poker feind who frequently sets up large poker game at Nazi get togethers; Nick is hoping he can use this knowledge to save him. Sure enough, Von Strucker, intrigued by the idea of playing against his greatest enemy, orders his lackeys to bring out a table and some cards. After setting up the board, Strucker asks what the stakes are going to be, and Fury replies "only the highest: If I win, you let me go and give me details about the dispersal of Nazi troops. If you win, I'll give you all the info you need to know about our invasion plans." Von Strucker, sure of his own ability, agrees, and the match is on. Both men start with a pile of chips, and the wagering goes back and forth, until finally Fury and Strucker both get terrific hands. The betting increases further and further until both men have bet everything on one hand. The two reveal their cards -- and Nick is the winner. "Strucker was honor bound to give me the details, and so he did. I realized at once what a huge mistake we were making, and when he set me free I radioed to headquarters. We were just able to change our plans in time and invade at Normandy, instead of our original spot, which would have been a Nazi trap. Thanks to that poker game, the Nazi evil was destroyed forever and we saved the world."

"Wasn't that a big risk, Nick?" Dr. Strange asks.

"Well...I have to admit, I had an advantage. What Strucker didn't know was that I could see his hand reflected in his monocle."

While the other players attempt to digest that nugget, we cut to several levels below them, where a dripping wet Crossfire has just crawled out of the river and disabled the defense systems. Opening the Avengers sub-basement hatch, Crossfire begins sneaking towards the higher levels, taking out other security devices as he goes. Finally he reaches a back up generator and, pulling out a bomb, begins to set it up. Upstairs, in the security room, a secret camera shows Crossfire, but there is nobody there to see...

...because they all seem to be playing poker. The beast begins dealing and Ms. Marvel grabs a six-pack, offering them to the other players. Cap declines, though, drawing him some small razzing from the others, but Cap says he'd just as soon stay sober; he learned his lesson when he was with the Invaders...

...and we head into another mini-flashback. Cap explains that he and the other Invaders were taking a break in a small French village they had just liberated, and the townsfolk, excited at their good fortune, had run out with wine and food for them. Happy to relax for a few moments, he, Namor and the Human Torch all drank deeply of the wine. The wine was excellent, and the three began drinking deeper and deeper, becoming more and more drunk. What they didn't realize was that the alcohol contained in the local wines was having a strange, super-natural effect on their systems, bonding with the Super-Soldier Serum, the artificial blood of the Torch and the unhuman physiology of the Sub-Mariner. Soon enough, though, they realized it when they suddenly began growing each other's powers; Namor burst into flames, Cap grew tiny wings on his feet and the Human Torch suddenly found himself sans flame, but in peak physical condition. Before they could get a grasp on what was going on, though, the call came in that they were needed at a battle. Drunkenly they decided they shouldn't confuse anybody if they could help it, so, stripping quickly, they all swapped outfits. This didn't conceal such things as hair color, but they were too drunk to realize it, and so, completely toasted, they engaged the Nazi's while trying to pretend they were each other.

"The alcohol didn't wear off quickly, though, as it had bonded with our blood; the three of us were drunk for weeks. I spent all of November freezing my tush off in Namor's little speedo, shouting Imperius Rex while trying to steer with my feet. So, in conclusion, I'll pass on that Colt .45."

"...good choice." the Thing says.

Meanwhile, Crossfire has completed wiring his bomb up to the generator and, grinning evilly, is sets the timer to go off in 20 minutes. Upstairs, though, Jarvis has re-enterred the security room. Seeing Crossfire and realizing the danger, Jarvis ponders his options. He doesn't want to disturb the poker game, though, so he first checks on the location of Namor. Unfortunately Namor is out, so Jarvis checks Hank Pym's lab; mysteriously, though, the lab is empty, with tools and beakers lying about in shambles. Jarvis is concerned, but has more pressing matters; unable to locate the Wasp (who is staying in the Mansion briefly) or the Vision, Jarvis rolls up his sleeves and leaves the room.

Back in party central, it's not going too well for the Beast or Nick Fury this night, as Dr. Strange seems to be cleaning up. The Thing accuses him of using his All-Seeing Eye of Agamotto to scope their cards, but Strange declares he has no need of such devices in this contest; on a cosmic level a night of poker with Ben Grimm isn't of significant scale.

"Aw yeah, then what is, Doc?"

Dr. Strange says he has participated in many cosmic adventures in his time, but none rival his chess game with Eternity. Due to Eternity's nature, the single game of chess dragged out for several years, as Eernity had many other concerns on his mind. Finally, at a crucial moment, while Eternity was distracted by Thanos or Pheonix or Korvac (Stephen forgets just who) Strange used the distraction to attempt a trick gambit. Eternity, thus distracted, failed to pick up on Strange's ploy, and Dr. Strange went on to defeat Eternity, thus winning their wager.

"What wuz the bet, anyhow?"

"Since he lost the match, Eternity was forced to uphold his end of the wager, and grew a large, full moustache. While I found it quite striking, his fellow cosmic powers didn't think as highly of it, with the exception of the Stranger; Eternity took no end of razzing from the Shaper of Worlds and the In-Betweener in particular. " Dr. Strange says, stroking his own. "Of course, for Eternity that is a bit more of an effort than for you or I, as several galaxies had to be created. In the end several hundred sentient races were created due to my bet, and Eternity had his revenge. As the reason for their creation, Eternity set me up as a god for these new, primitive minds, and to this day a great deal of my time is spent sorting out domestic disputes and recieving tribute from these far off worlds. I guess Eternity had the last laugh." Dr. Strange finishes his story and begins dealing.

"...I can't tell if he's kidding or not." Thing whispers to Beast, who merely shakes his head.

Meanwhile, Crossfire is about to dive back into the river when the form of Jarvis appears behind him. Whirling, Crossfire is relieved to see the butler instead of one of the Avengers. Taunting Jarvis for an old man, he attacks, but Jarvis proves a bit too cagey for him. The two begin fighting, and we start jumping back and forth between scenes of the heroes above playing poker and Jarvis below battling Crossfire while the time bomb ticks down; the betting and tension of the hand reflect how the fight is going, with the stakes getting higher as the time bomb ticks down. Crossfire is stronger, younger and faster, but Jarvis is a cagey fighter and he leads Crossfire back into the Mansion, finally tricking him into the Avengers training room. Jarvis activates the room's attack capabilities and Crossfire, surprised, is beated and bludgeoned about while Jarvis avoids all the attacks, since he has seen Cap run this scenario countless times. At the last Crossfire is knocked out and Jarvis turns the scenario off, rushes to the generator and deactivates the bomb just before it explodes; above, the poker hand comes to a gripping finale as the heroes, all wagering heavy, reveal their hands, with Cap taking the pot.

The poker game finally breaks up and the heroes slowly leave one by one. As he shuts the Mansion door, Cap asks Jarvis if anything came up on mintor duty. Jarvis smiles and says it was all quiet, while behind him, through the window, we see a paddy wagon taking Crossfire off to jail.

Next Issue: While the raucous poker game goes on, below, in the labs, a sinister drama begins to play itself out; will Hank Pym manage to fight off his old demons, or will his past problems come back to haunt him -- and the Avengers? Find out in 30 days!